insomnia

pukul 3.13 pagi hari Selasa December tahun 2008. despite of having to work in 5 hours times, my eyes are still berdegil sedegil-degil umat untuk melelapkan matanya. abes sume care aku dah cube nak memakse untuk diri tidur tapi gagal dengan teruk jua.ni pun baru jek mandi sebab terase nak mandi.haduuuuu.....

now tengah duduk dalam gelap depan kat living room sambil mate terpacak menulis blog.

dulu mase ngaji kat UIA selalu sangat tidur lewat sebab seronok bergelak ketawa dengan Libur.kadang-kadang time macam ni kiteorg pergi kat sungai law dengan berbekalkan net tennis yang di rampok dan pergi tangkap ikan talapia kat situ dengan guna tangan jek.kiteorang panggil aktiviti tu 'semugur'. then bile dah cukup banyak and tangan pun dah calar balar kene sirip ikan, kiteorang bakar and cicah ngan sambal kicap. aku belajar makan ikan sungai pun dengan bebudak libur ni lah. kalo tak aku memang tak sentuh pun sebab kat umah mak aku tak masak ikan sungai.

kalau tak semugur time ni kiteorang mancing kat kolam maryam or kolam convest. ikan kat sini agak adventure la sebab ade patin,keli and of course lah talapia.singkong pegang rekod kat sini sebab berjaye naikkan pain 3 kilo.jeles btol.sume Libur jeles dengan rekod die.aku pegang rekod talapia kot and sarip pegang rekod labi-labi.

then kadang-kadang gak saje pg lepak kat convest hill sambil-sambil hisap rokok and buat unggun api.kire macam camp fire la konon-konon.kadang-kadang siap emi bawak gitar and nyanyi karoke ramai-ramai. kalau pak guard datang pun dieorang join skali.

kalo takde aktiviti langsung kiteorang lepak port bilik key and saje merepek lame2 sambil ketawa lame-lame.kadang-kadang takde idea or perbualan pun gelak jugak sebab pandang masing-masing. kalo time ade teater time macam ni sibukla tengah siapkan props teater. siap tidur seminggu kat main audi lagi sebab nak siapkan kerje. rindu laa time2 macam tuh.

agaknye kesan aku tak suke tido awal-awal time belajar dulu bawak ke malam ni jugaklah sebab aku sangat tak bole tidur skarang ni. kadang-kadang agak berlarutanla so sebab tuh aku tuduh insomnia nih.gile betol. aku takde blame zaman dulu la sebab kalo aku boleh trade ape2 pun kat dunia ni jangan haraplah aku nak tukar semua tu. giler btol kalo aku nak buat macam tuh.

kadang-kadang benda yang kite rase bermakne sangat turns out tak bermakne pun tapi benda yang kite ingat picisan jek time tuh turns out jadi perkara yang sangat bermakna dalam hidup kita dan perkara-perkara yang aku buat dengan Libur semua adalah perkara paling bermakna dalam hidup aku sekarang. Sumpah aku ingat sampai mati.

new dawn

Now listening to Nitrus "kamu" and Bright Eyes "the first day of my life"

It's been a while since I last appreciate the life that I have and all the beautiful things surrounding me. It's crazy to think that I will ever complaint about all the problems and glitches...let me rephrase that again..some minor problems and glitches that I had as human had beberapa minggu kebelakangan ni:)

I am a kind of a person who always love my life and appreciate the things that happened to me be it good or bad. for me what constitutes me as a person is really all the lessons that I learned from all those bumpy jumpy life experience and be able to live with it or at least have a good laugh with it at the end of the day. I like to see things in its most positive side and keep on learning new stuffs everyday. Though some people see that as something too cliche or may distraught them from what ever connotations that they may have towards their life, I always think that somehow it is not too late for us to make this world a better place to live in. For me life is always kind to us and if life is like that, why should not we?

with that thinking inside me, I made a promise to myself that I will forever cherish my life. I don't mind being vocal or let my feelings out because I believe that I should let people know the real person I am behind this human flesh. I want people to know that I am a God given soul like everyone else. In my mind all I have is all beautiful and so does people around me. I AM A GOOD PERSON.

so when I crumbled last few weeks and thought about giving up(by this I don't mean taking a suicide), I think i was just being a jerk and too immature at that time. I failed to realize that life is like that and for a simple person like me, it is ok if I fall or crumble once in a while. I failed to realize that miserably and I admit I am still ashamed of that behavior of mine.

hari ini akan berganti dengan esok. hidup untuk hari ini takkan sama dengan hidup hari ni kan so why bother about the life yang kite akan ada esok dan hidup yang kita ada hari ni sebab esok tetap esok dan hari ni tetap hari ni. enjoy sudahlah!

I think I am getting better now. I wrote some new poetry a couple of days ago and still bole ketawa and paling penting ade semangat balik. I realize that sume yang jadi kat aku tu semua part of life and life is still a good friend of mine. great one actually:)

I am still learning...yes.

my long awaited creepers shoes

hahaha.gambar ni takde kene mengena ngan kasut pun.ni time makan kat Paddington House of pancakes. saje nak letak.

the hat and the shoes....uuuuuu.

helll yeaaahhh...the spice girls are back....excluding the girl of course

Tore up the box as soon as Joe presented the box to me.

Creepers aka Demonia

You guys have no idea whatsoever about the hard breaking+ pain killing moment I have during the period of waiting for my shoes to arrive from Washinton D.C. this is what I have been waiting religously for 2 weeks and maybe months of craving it. my long awaited shoes!!!!

joe said it looks like spice girls shoes and Nick accused me of having inferiority complex of my shortness but no matter waht you guys said, the only thing I have inside me now is......I finally got the shoeeeeeessss bebeeeeeehhh!

and yes maybe saye akan tinggi 2 inci lagi bile pakai kasut ni.hehehehehe.

Bukit Antarabangsa

the true heroes

Aku sepatutnya balik johor mase kejadian landslide ni jadi. aku tumpang kete said balik johor same2 tapi pagi tuh said kejut cakap kene singgah kat Bukit Antarabangsa sb ade landslide. sebab aku takde pengalaman ni sume mase said cakap kene singgah sane sb nk buat ricci aku yang bole terfikir hanye image bangunan runtuh macam kat highland tower tu dulu.itupon image yang ade cume image yang aku curik dari berita tv mase dulu2 tu.

aku sangat teruja sebenarnya ikut said sb aku sangat2 berminat nak buat humanitarian work ni.bagi aku best sb it means the whole world to me. aku mmg nak sangat buat mende2 yang aku tau besar maknenye dalam hidup and of them macam ni lah. tp since aku tau ade casualties aku mmg tanam dalam hati mase tu yg aku nak tolong seboleh mungkin and belajar apa2 yang patut untuk pengalaman.

mase sampai tempat kejadian mmg keadaan agak kelam kabut. ramai penduduk jalan berbatu sambil bawak barang keperluan dieorg pergi cariktempat selamat. rescue worker sume mmg bersusah payah cuba buat ape yang patut.

dua tiga hri ni bile aku tgk tv ngan bace blog ramai org gak kutuk2 rescue workers la agensi yg terlibatla sb tak cekap. ade yang tuduh dieorg keje makan jek tau.aku tak nafikanla mmg kat situ mmg dah macam syurga makanan tapi bagi aku secara personal, walaupun apepon yang dieorg buat, kite tak boleh nak nafikan yang most of them yang kat situ bertungkus lumus cuba perbaiki keadaan. semangat dieorg tu and the fact yang dieorg berkerja keras carik mangsa and but segala menda kita kenela respek. whether or not they were trying to gain political mileage or they were lzying around is for me not correct lah sb aku sendiri kat situ tgk abang-abang bomba, askar,polis,smart team kuar masuk cuba carik mangsa and selamatkan orang. even though ade flaws sane sini, sometimes it is better for us untuk tgk yang positif daripada pin-point negative things yang jadi.aku rase standardla kalo terlepas pandang sane sini sb keadaan mmg agak luar biasa kan tp kite kan cuma manusia and bukan hari2 landslide ade kat malaysia ni. tak salah kalau kite give our heroes tu sume a big clap,standing ovation and pat on their back for trying hard to save people. macam tu lah kite nak spread the love kan.by looking at the good things once in a while.

aku sangat bertuah sebab aku dapat join satu misi selamatkan dis one family utk kuar dari kawasan yang terputus hubungan. we were suppose to use helicopter tp batal plak sb ade guide bawak gune jalan darat. yang lagi aku bangga sebab aku dapat jadi wakil Mercy utk join group tuh. Mase tu aku jek yg available and since said kene stay and handle mende lain aku pon joinla. aku dapat lalu kat tempat kejadian and managed to capture some pics dari dekat. then redah sane sini and dapat jumpe keluarga tuh. anak die 2 orang special so extra care kene adelah. mase aku jumpe dieorg aku rase macam nak nangis sb both of them were so sweet and lovely.dalam keadaan macam tuh dieorg nampak sangat berani and composed. misi tu berjalan dengan lancar and we managed to help them keluar dari situ. bile kuar ahli keluarga dieorang datang and cakap terima kasih sambil salam tangan aku. kat situlah aku sangat sedar betapa bemakna nya sume tu. aku yang baru first time join pon rase sangat2 berbesar hati lagi pulak orang2 lain kan.

aku ade kat sane dari 11 pagi sampai 12 malam.malam tuh aku ngan geng2 MERCY+geng2 4x4+ nik and singkong yang datang petang tuh set operation center for Mercy before kiteorg balik.ikut kan ati nak sangat stay sampai esoknye tapi aku ngan said nak balik raya.hehe.

kiteorg balik umah jap lepak setengah jam then terus gerak balik johor. so bayangkanlah dengan 12 jam straight kat bukit antarabangsa then drive johor plak.aku tertidur dari kl ke air keroh then dari air keroh aku drive said plak tido. time aku drive mengantuk gile.nyaris2 tertidur sambil drive. mmg kerje gilelah.sampai umah aku pukul 5.30 then said tumpang tido sampai pukul 9 die gerak pontian.mase on de way kat high way siap terserempak ngan eksiden bas yg 10 org mati tuh.yang masuk tv tuh tapi kiteorg tak berentilah.lepas tuh jek macam2 aku buat nk bagi sedar.takut wooo...

pengalaman aku kat bukit antabangsa mmg sangat bermakne.kat situ lah aku tengok all the superheroes yang sebenar. regardless ape pon orang nak cakap pasal dieorg.that is their prerogative to say such things and nak tgk negative ape skalipon.bagi aku dieorang mmg the best and I really2 appreciate and respect them.

special thanx to MERCY for giving me the chance to help and make this world a better place.thnk you for giving me a huge meaningful experience and you guys are relly great thru out the tragedy. terima kasih kepada semua yang terlibat.

poetry

Poetry is one heck of a powerful instrument that we, as human have since the time of Adam and Eve. Aku as a person tak pernah tau bile aku start suke poetry ni. dalam blog aku a little less conversation jek aku rase maybe dah 4 tahun kot aku start menulis but as long as I could remember, aku dah menulis even mase aku kat sekolah rendah. that time I usually wrote my stuffs kat buku latihan sekolah or atas meja sekolah. so, kalo aku reminiscence balik zaman dulu2 aku rase buku latihan sekolah dulu ade lagi banyak poetry berbanding notes yg cikgu bagi and aku jugak seorang vandal yang sangat serious sb most of my school desk penuh ngan scribbling tulisan poetry aku bersama2 ngan cartoon bodo yang aku selalu buat.most of them gamba bunga and orang lidi.

Poetry bagi aku lagi dekat dengan jiwa aku sb dalam poetry aku bole let go of everything like, ape aku rase and ape yang aku kenal kat dalam diri aku. through poetry aku sangat bebas and through peotry jugak aku rase aku macam tunjuk diri aku yang sebenarnya. the honest fact about azharisirat.

dalam poetry takde istilah poem ko best or tak best.tak de istilah ko sangat berbakat sebab bakat tu bukan boleh diukurkan dan since we write poetry based on what we had in our mind so takbole la kite cakap ianya baik atau tak. semua poetry itu baik sebab apa saja yang kite kuarkan dari dalam hati tu adalah something yang baik and powerful.

aku pun agak bernasib baik gakla since some of my friends suke poetry gak.some of them are my favorites like kak fynn, dianne,sheena, tinie and some of them like ahmad emi eventhough jarang tulis poem tp bile die produce and post kan poem die aku rase mmg hebatlah.

poetry is sacred to me dan aku harap sangat aku bole menulis poetry ni sampai aku mati. atleast bile aku mati, sape2 yang teringat kat aku bole bace poetry aku. or harapnye kalo aku ade anak, anak cucu aku pon suke menulis gak sb for me the greatest achievement yang aku nak anak cucu aku ade is not based on dieorg punye duit ke harta but how well they can understand their life a person. aku nak dieorg paham diri sendiri and faham all the beauty that lies in this world.

Mase aku blaja agama kat sekolah dulu aku ingat ustazah aku cakap orang Quraisy anggap Quran sebagai satu form of poetry yang terulung. Aku ada gakla betulnye. dun get me wrong, aku mmg anggap al quran sebagai puisi terhebat sebab ianya datang dari Satu sumber yang maha ulung.ianya datang dari Kata2 si Dia dan tak ada kata2 yang lebih indah dari kata2NYA.
aku sebagai pencinta puisi hanya inginkan secebis inspirasi dari kata2 NYA semoga aku dapat menulis perkara2 yang indah tentang dunia, tentang DIA dan tentang diri aku.

Life as ep

sekarang hidup agak kosong jek rasa. tak taula aku yang silap atau memang aku masuk dalam satu tahap yang mana memang aku kene rasa dan masa tu adalah sekarang.hidup agak restless sekarang dan terasa sangat macam kitaran hidup tu berhenti macam tu jek.

kadang-kadang life yang ada sekarang ni sangat plain sampai ketawa ke senyum yang ada pun macam tak ikhlas jek. salah satu therapy terbaik aku cuma kerje jek. selamat aku suka kerja aku so bile pergi mengajar tu agak happy jugakla tp bile abes kerje terus rase kosong balik.

balik rumah best jek sb housemate sume lucu jek. kadang-kadang rajin jek masak same2 tapi itulah hati ni rase kosong jek. bile dah macam ni rokok pon laju gak berjalan kuar masuk ulu hati nih. ikut hati dulu memang menyampah tiap kali bakar rokok sejuk nih tapi dalam keadaan cam ni rasa membantu lah.kind of a theraphy jugakla tengok asap tu kuar berkepul-kepul.

aku agak mengakulah aku sunyi. rase mmg nak cari awek ke ape ke tapi cam haram jek. salah aku kot.ramai jek aku bole on tapi itulah memilih gile babi plak. bile dah rapat jek aku tetibe buat bodo biar mende camtu jek. kadang-kadang mengharap awek tu yang ngorat and takpon ngorat rajin2 then bile dapat kuar date skali dua terus malas dah. yang paling teruk ngorat2 then dapat nombor talipon terus buat bodo dah.macam tamat camtu jek. menyampah gak ngan diri tapi itulah yang aku buat.hahaha:(

ade gak beberapa kali aku rase give up jek. soal diri sendiri kenape aku tak happy sekarang ni. tanye kenape aku tak deserve jadi happy. kadang-kadang aku tanye aku ni jahat sangat ke?

bari-baru ni ramai membe aku kawin and bakal kawin.terus terang cakap aku rase pressure jek.aku bukanla nak kawen awal sangat pon.yeala..aku dah janji nak bagi family kat diri dulu a chance of better life then nak sambung study sume and in fact aku mmg takde niatpon nak kawen awal tp bile tgk membe kawen kaco gak jiwa tuh.tgk dieorg happy bagai kan so aku pon nakla rase macam tu gak.

aku paham sume tu datang gak nanti bile mase sampai tp aku ni cite sekarang?mende yg aku rase skarang.now???malas dah nak tunggu esok.

it's not me to behave like this seriously but then when this thing come along takkan nak tipu diri sendiri kan. aku selalu jek positif and do stuffs yang aku rase bagus utk aku.even if aku tau aku ade flaws aku selalu cherished those flaws sb aku tau those things yang buat aku ni seorang masnusia.so instead of bragging pasal strenghts aku suke ingat diri aku pasal flaws tu sume and then turn those things to something positive. tapi perasaan ni btol2 kacau segale mende yang aku percaya ade kat aku selama ni.it's like I cannot help from blaming my own flaws and all.dammit.

I can't remember at all bile aku last senyum and ketawa yang btol2 ikhlas and bermakna.i mean senyum yang boleh bawak sampai dua tiga hari. in fact aku dah start rase macam nak give up carik sume tuh. yang aku nak cume taknak hilang diri sendiri jek.so aku tak tau nak cakap camne but sekarang ni Tuhan jek tau macam mane hebat nye aku berperang dengan diri aku sekarang ni. macam nak kalah pon ade gak. bukan kalah cume nak kalah jek.

org lelaki ni supposedly will have mid life crisis when we turn to 40 tapi takut gak kalo aku mude2 dah dapat crisis nih. dahla aku selalu rase aku matang cepat.heeeee....takutnye.

I think this is the first time i really open things up about me.it's hard but at least I want to show that behind this wacky, nutty,insensitive and stupid insignificant boy lies a human being and I do have feelings like most people out there. I understand we all have our own problems in life and i do understand what im dealing with right now.

I just don't know how to deal with it.PERIOD.

Beautiful bait

Currently listening to Nada Surf "inside of love"

great song with great soulful lyrics...

"I want to know what it is like on the inside of love.standing at the gate, I see the beauty above.."

"I know the last page very well I can't read the first..so I just don't start and it's getting worse"

Special thanks to Singkong for introducing me this peace of great tune.

Listening to this song remind me of how ungrateful we are when it comes to Love. So people, please treasure your love well and don't ever take your love for granted.

To Said and Dianne...may your bond lasts forever.

I am dying...slowly.

I wish the pain I have now inside my heart can turn into a physical pain instead because by God I don't have the strength to fight it anymore.

It's like having a very blunt object thrusting my heart in an awfully slow pace of movement and at the same time got my heart...yes, the same heart crushed without mercy.

for the first time in my life I am not happy...

it sucks..it's awfully suck.

dear God...

I'm literally addicted to avenge savenfold's dear god now.keep playing the song for hundreds of times now.

I don't exactly know how to say this but lately my hormones are starting to kick in and I think they are planning for a bigger demonstration in this couple of days to come.

lately ni aku slalu rase aku bodoh sangat. aku start soal pasal diri sendiri and pasal beberapa decision yang aku dah buat. tiap kali perasaan tu datang mesti aku tanye "zarie, how far can you actually go before you even realize that it was a stupid thing for you to do?"

the thing is...aku tak berapa tau ape sebenanye yang aku dah buat? damn it!

aku bukan jenis orang yang nak mempersoalkan diri sendiri sb walau bodoh macamanapon mende yang aku buat aku tau tu sume part of growing up or at least part of knowing my own inner self so selalunye aku takla kesah sangat but since ni sume jadik tanpa aku tau sebab die, aku rase menyampah plak.

it's like aku ni macam dah salah amek jalan pon ade gak.

looking at people around me I do realize that they have their own problems but I wonder is there a slightest chance that they might have the same problem like me? cuz if they do aku nak gak tanye kenape ek?

maybe i'm just getting restless la about my life.

there is this one thing i did yang aku rase aku buat baru-baru ni. honest to GOd aku betol2 rase mmg bodoh tahap ikan cencaru punye tp aku pikir sb mende dah jadik nak buat camne kan?go on jekla with my life. tapi come to think about it again maybe gak mende tu yang buat aku kaco thus mengembangkan lagi masalah bodo aku skarang ni.haiiiiihhh.

P/s; ari tu aku berangan nak buat movie versi romeo n juliet kampung. tp nak kekalkan the whole storyline cume setting die jek kat kampung...or maybe between kampung or estet.

sape nak suh aku direct movie ek??? kak ain....do you know anybody yang willing????

cehhh...bodo lagi.

Yoga dan pengharaman terhadapnya.

pertama-tama sekali aku secara terus terang mengaku aku bukan seorang Muslim yang baik. kalau nak cermin diri sendiri aku yakin aku patut dimasukkan ke dalam neraka sahaja tapi Subhanallah aku meminta dengan hina supaya jauhkan semua itu dari aku. Dengan nama Allah aku tak akan mampu walau sebijik zarahpun bertahan dalam neraka dan sebab itu jugaklah aku berdoa setiap pagi bila bangun tido dan sebelum tido aku dapat jadi seorang muslim yang lebih baik untuk Allah kutip jugak roh aku dan masukkan aku kedalam syurganya.

Cukup.

Aku tak sedih bila ada Muslim yang membantah fatwa tentang pengharaman yoga di kalangan umat Islam. aku jadi marah yang teramat sangat seperti marahnya aku pada Yahudi bila Israel laknat tu merampas tanah walau sekelumitpun warga Palestin. aku tak kisah kalau mereka yang membantah itu punya alasan atau counter argument yang kukuh tapi sepanjang aku membaca didalam akhbar, internet mahupun menonton berita di kotak televisyen, apa yang aku dapati cukup menjijikkan. dengan alasan cetek tahap manusia tak pernah membaca, mereka-mereka ini cuba membantah seperti konon-kononnya Ulama-Ulama pula yang cetek ilmunya?pelik dan bahalol.

contohnya,aku ada bace ulasan atau bantahan daripada Marina Mahathir yang bagi aku cukup cetek. bagi seorang wanita yang cukup berpendidikan, sepatutnya dia taklah sebodoh tu.bagi akulah. soalan dia ialah perlukah seorang muslim yang telah mempraktikan yoga bertahun-tahun perlu di masukkan ke pusat pemulihan akidah apabila fatwa ini dikeluarkan????

itu kan bodoh. tak perlulah semuatu kerana apa yang kau perlu buat hanyalah berhenti dari men'yoga'kan diri. itu kan senang. janganlah berdolak dalik. mase Nabi cakap arak tu haram berapa ramai plak pengikut awal nabi yang minum arak. ade nabi kate dieorg kene masuk pusat akhlak atau bertaubat segala taubat?cukup nabi cakap insaf dan jangan minum arak lagi.

ada juga yang marah kerana mengikut kata mereka Ulama perlu lihat pada isu-isu sosial yang lain dulu sebelum melihat pada yoga.heyy...yoga itu berkenaan dengan akidah kau bukan tentang sosial.kau tanya orang yang terlibat dengan segala maksiat itu sekarang. adakah mereka tak tau itu berdosa atau mereka tahu tapi kerana terlalu seronok buat sahaja? kebanyakan yang terlibat dengan segala masalah sosial tahu dan cukup terang tentang dosa haram dan halal itu memang ada tetapi kerana nafsu ataupun bodoh, tetap lakukan sahaja.

oleh itu janganlah kau kata ulama perlu tumpukan pada masalah yang lain dulu baru masuk campuri urusan kau kerana kebanyakan isu lain itu telah secara terang2 kau pun tahu hukumnya jadi pandai2 kaulah nak kawal.takkan itu pon nak ulama yang tegur. mak bapak ko tak penah tegur ke?

ade gak kate yoga tu menenangkan dan tak salahpon kalo nak join gak.yeaaa aku faham. tapi ko tak rase ke bile ko mengadap tuhan, ko bole jadi tenang jugak? tak pernah try? bile ko berzikir ke bace qur'an dan faham isi die ko tak rase aman damai ke? try la dulu....tak salahpon. semayang lagi kejap dari ber'yoga'ing. ramai gak saintis cakap solat tu jugak satu rukun senaman yang sangat baik jadi kenape ko nak bayar beratus2 ringgit tiap bulan pada yoga instructor ko bilamana solat tu free?

aku pon educated gak cam ko ataupon urban macam ko gak tapi aku tau aku bodoh agama. tapi sebolehnye aku tak sombong bodoh dengan melawan dengan orang yang aku tau lagi berilmu dalam bidang die. contoh macam ko lah.kalo ko educated sangat dalam bidang ekonomi dan aku plak educated dalam bidang sastera, ko rase aku bodoh tak kalau aku kate 1+1 tu jawapan die William Shakespeare?

dalam bidang agama ni kalau ko rase ko bodo, lagi baik senyap dan follow. Nabi dah cakap lepas die takde kenela ikut cakap ulama.itu kan dah terang. korang yang melawan sangat nih terer sangat ke sampai nak lawan ape yang nabi pesan? ko rapat sangat ke dengan Allah lebih dari Nabi?

aku memang kasar la dalam menulis ni sb aku marah. aku bukan terer pon agama tapi aku paham konsep yang cube ulama tu terangkan dan aku bace jugak pasal yoga.jadi aku comparekan buruk baik die. aku jugak faham konsep demokrasi dan hak bersuara tapi bile ko mati nanti ko bole ke menjawab kat Allah yang ko ade hak bersuara jadi ko gunakan konsep tu untuk menentang pewaris nabi? nak kene sebat?

paling pelik kan aku orang2 yg membantah ni ade plak di kalangan mereka yang tak pon join yoga ni tapi nak gak membantah sebab nak tunjuk pandai.mungkinlah.ini tuduhan jek.mungkin jugak takde duit nak join yoga atau mungkin malas nak mampos.ini tuduhan gak. jadi... hak ape yang ko ade untuk ko pertahankan yoga?

aku salute kat blog tini sb stand up pasal isu ni. sila lah jenguk blog die tinirahim.blogspot.com kot tak silap aku. tulisan die lagi jelas dan lembut dari aku. bacelah. bagus tuh. kalo korg bersetuju ke tak korang komenlah.kite bole bincang macamana orang pandai bincang dan korang bersetuju aku harap korang luahkan jugak tanda sokongan. Agama kita ada satu.Tuhan kite ada satu jugak. tapi umat islam yang tak paham ade ramai so tanggungjawab kita gak nak tolong ulama tu terangkan pasal isu ni.

sekian.

Memory revisited

tahun 2005.

from left to right; Ecam,me,miau,jijol,anonymous,man & another anonymous

zaman gila underground dolu2. ini gambar mase pg Rock the world concert mase nak tunggu Plague of happiness main.

My good buddies came all the way from Johor to see the gig and spent 2 nights in a cheap hotel somewhere in Bukit Bintang area. I, of course was still a student of IIUM back then didn't have much trouble stepping my foot there and we met somewhere outside Stadium Merdeka before blasting our heads off with all the craziness that the gig offered.

IIC CONVO

had a good time participating in my first IIC convo today. it was kindda fun for a first timer like me though it was also a very tiring and long event, so to say. there were a couple of glitch here and there but I think IIC did a fair and good job overall. i was quite frustrating because they didn't pay me a cent for my service but I guess the all long lame usable that is 'for the sake of fisabilillah' reason is playing like a Sinatra's for the company nowadays and me being me have to endure all that craps. lucky for them I have this motto "eat the experience and make your life a better deal" so layan kan jeklah.

It is amazing to think how I only participated in my own convocation 4 months ago after 5 years of studies and today I had to attend my OWN student's convocation and see them smile,cry and laugh during the whole much awaited event of their's. I couldn't help thinking how my life flow so very fast and how I find it very enjoyable most of the time.

I pray that all those who received their diplomas and certificates today will have a greater future than what i have now and I wish them all good luck in chasing their dreams and goals.

feel you

Romeo and Juliet by Dire Straits (recently covered by the Killers)

Go listen to this song if you never listen to it before. Most probably the best ever love song ever written in the history of mankind.

A quick recap on the life and death of AzhariSirat.

Today is the day I finished my first semester as a lecturer after having to spend almost 20 years as a student. My first impression on this whole new experience and career of mine is simply.....magnificent!

never thought I could enjoy this so much and can't wait to start my new semester next month.

one small giant leap towards my future life and I thank God for leading me to this path. Subhanallah.

part 01

Gambar Kenaboi River Challenge o8 part 1

life. just another fact

sekarang bulan November 2008. aku tak tau berapa ramai yang perasan tapi bulan ni genap setahun zaman UIA tamat. so sape2 yang grad bulan November tahun lepas same ngan aku, I wish you all happy convocation anniversary yang pertama. I wish you all the best.

dalam setahun ni macam2 dah jadi. we see people who used to be closed to us kawin, nak kawin, dapat anak, tukar cewek,tukar keje,dapat keje,berjaya,tungganglanggang and etc. in a year jek, sedar tak sedar kite saksikan banyak sangat perubahan. here, I always like to point out the greatness yang my people around me and myself achieved dalam mase setahun ni daripada mende yang tak best because I dont believe in giving up or regrets. dari dulu lagi aku cakap sume yang jadi kat keliling kite tu sumenye pengajaran untuk kite berjaye. ader kawan yang dah berjaye ader yang still looking. tu sume masing2 punye citela kan.aku percaye dalam 10 tahun kite sumer akan berjaya gak regardless cepat or lambat kejayaan tu datang.

for me personally eventho it is a bonus kalo dapat cepat I always cherished the journey i take tak kirela best ke tak. sebab bile lambat we will have the tendency to appreciate our live more than we usually do. kite blaja secare kasar about life and thus making us more aware of our surroundings. I remember when I was first come to UIA, eventho amek english literature, atas sebab kesihatan aku kene start english from first level. well, im not saying my english is top of the world tapi at that time I thought I deserve better la for an english major. malu sangat awal2 tu but then I realised that everything is about learning and btol gak english aku suck. so instead of malu aku slowly panjat tangge belajar tu and learn english from basic again. it turns out mmg hebatla the experience cuz learning english kat higher level tak same ngan learning english kat sekolah. now lepas more than 5 years since that day aku pon dah jadi english lecturer ajar grammar kat bebudak. sape sangke kan? and now not only can i teach english to my students, i can also tell them my experience if they ever feel like giving up. so now aku ngan bangganya masuk kelas knowing my teaching is special and a little bit unconventional because my teaching has somewhat a soul in it and everytime i looked at those eager and hungry eyes of the new generation nak master english aku ucap syukur sangat kat Allah sebab hantar aku kat level one dulu.

the same goes with money or harte2 ni. i realised that in this world ade 2 jenis orang when it comes to money and life. ader orang yang cakap money cant buy happiness or anything and lagi satu cakap money is everything. i realised org yang pilih money can buy everything akan justify kan sumenyer ngan cakap yes, money may not buy everything, but with money we surely can buy almost everything and everything needs money now kan. aku tak cakap sume tu salah.i understand that some people are just like that, hence it is their prerogative to say such so. for me, i like the group yang fikir money cant buy anything. aku joint group tu lar. I dunno why but I think eventho money is heck important, I still think experience is priceless no matter what. all in all, i think we are what we are kan. tak kirela mane satu pon. janji kite kene embrace our life willingly and try not to be the person we are not.

dalam setahun ni jugak aku dapat rase banyak sangat perubahan kat aku. dun get me wrongla. i still the same person like dolu2. if you think i am a bad person, i still am a bad person. if you think i was a miserable friend, i still am now. everything is up for you to judge. if you persist to look down on me what can I do kan?hehehe.but for those who think I was and still a good friend, I thank you for your kindness. care kite mungkin lebih serasi so time kasih...perubahan yang aku cakap is in terms ape yang aku rasela. for example aku rase aku makin matang. kesabaran pun makin baik and the way i look at the world is much better la and fair. aku sangat berpuas hati dengan jenis manusia yang aku evolved sekarang ni.

so its funny kan a year after we graduated, we can still read our friend's blog and kadang2 lepak minum same2,ketawa and berkongsi masalah pasal life or kerje. dalam setahun ni jugak macam2 yang jadik kat kite. aku tak tau korang happy or not dalam setahun ni tapi untuk aku, suffice to say yang segale yagn jadi dalam setahun ni is exactly ape yang aku nak. eventho ade some setbacks tapi biaselakan. untuk saper2 yang tak happy, I think you shoudnt be worry much cuz the new dawn is approaching and maybe setahun akan datang life will finally be a friend to you.

untuk ahmad helmi...kudos to you sebab berjaya kerje selama 3 bulan bagi setiap pekerjaan. you go bro!

Kenaboi, The Adventure...me the National Geographic photojournalist.

hehehehe...minggu lepas (weekend) aku pergi Negeri Sembilan ikut Ayap cover satu program called Kenaboi River Challenge 08. mula-mula ingat saje la nak ikut sebab tak jadik nak balik Johor. ingatkan bergembira sesaje tahap pergi event and then balik.sekali kene masuk hutan, redah hutan ngan 4x4 drive la plak. seronok giler. the best thing is I had the chance to again play with SLR camera and learn directly with a professional yang bernama Abg Ghani. hehehe I must tell you arr I, now know how to handle SLR camera woooo. and because aku pegang camera and konon2 jadi macam photojournalist like Ayap dan masuk plak hutan ngan 4 wheel drive, aku secara automatiknye terasa macam photojournalist for National Geographic. dahla pakai topi Jason Mraz.hohohoho.macam remaje plak tapi lagi hebatla. so dapat la jumpa orag-orang asli and amek gambo bagai and plus masuk dalam sungai mase shoot gambo orang main kayak sambil layan arus hebat.huhohohoo..teruja btol. walaupun penat nak mapuh sebab tak cukup tido and terase macam orang kene pukol tak abis2 mase naik ranjer, tapi i must say sume tu worth it la.once in a lifetime punye experience.

And then paling best is lepas balik sementara nak tunggu the next programme hari ahad aku ngan ayap bersetuju pergi Jelebu melawat Sarip!!!mula-mula jumpa die kat simpang pertang minum2 tepi jalan sambil makan goreng pisang dan air tebu then bile dah lame kami gerak terus pergi Pasoh bebeh! itu kali ke 2 pergi rumah sarip tapi for ayap first time. aku sampai rumah die tak banyak cakap terus tido.hohohoho..then maghrib bangun terus lepak ngan sarip sambil makan mee goreng sedap and durian sedap gak.aku siap bungkus tuh durian. bergembira btol walaopun kejap jek jumpa. kiteorang tido Seremban umah kawn ayap sebab nak tengok bola.

2 hari msauk hutan and amek gambar mmg seronok sangat. yeala membesar kat bandar tapi adore the life of kampung mmgla susah sket. so bile dapat peluang memang sangat teruja.it was one of the greatest experience for me. teringat zaman2 Libur masuk hutan and all.

aku try post gambar2 nanti.huhuhuhu yeayyy!!!!!

welcome back...a bit late tho.

chief dan en key datang umah kami minggu lepas.sangat menarik! dah lame nak lepak ngan dieorang. sarip patut datang tapi si Boss tu tetibe sangat busy plak ngan projek rumah die langsung tak datang.karutla sarip tu!

plan asal nak gi karok tapi atas sebab2 tertentu tak jadik lagi. so instead, kami gi lihat pesta bola merdeka final yang malaysia kalah tu. dah la malaysia kalah pastu suara aku ngan singkong pon kalah.kami ilang suara dan suara aku pon jadi seksi according to some quarters. then gi tengok movie cite Max payne (ikut kate abang wayang Max Payney) yang bodo tu. karut!!!

then bile chief balik rase sedeh gakla sebab lambat lagi baru boleh jumpe. owhhh btw awin juga ade yea tapi die lepak ngan geng2 die yang lain and kurang cool macam kami..hahahaha.

jadi post ini ialah tribute untuk Chief dan Awin. ikhlas dari kami yang di rumah, libur dan the Kimaks.

ade banyak mende aku nak cakap sebab dah simpan seminggu tapi malas plak nak tulis bebanyak sebab agak busy skarang. jadi biar aku tulis dalam poin jek yek.

1) aku dah ushar masters programme kat UM. kompom amek kat sane. harge RM 4500 lebey kurang. in take julai. insyaallah.

2) Aku nak beli lap top Vaio sebab terpengaruh ngan pembelian lap top oleh amad helmi. hoh!

3) aku rindu zaman berteater. walaupun ade orang tak bersetuju dengan pencapaian teater kami even dari dalam skalipon, aku tetap bangga nak mampos dengan team aku. professional bukan bermaksud takde crisis yea. kalo ko dah keje ko fahamla. nak jage hati sume orang adalah karut

4) hari ini besday dianne yang ke 24. happy besday dianne..janganla amek tv oi!!!!

5) ader rumor mengatakan Ash gwaka nak jadi orang ke 6 masuk ke umah kami. agak hebat...hmmmm

6) said bakal dapat persona die minggu depan. aku jadi rombongan mengambil tapi minggu ni die g pakistan sebab gempa bumi. bilala aku nak pakai kete plak and bile la aku nak pg pakistan gak.

7)owh yea aku dapat offer mengajar kat jakarta. tapi still contemplating nak pg ke tak

8) aku beli mp3 pertama aku n name die ialah is my.... name btol tak bagi lagi.

9) kat blog emi ader video klip libur. sila lihat reramai.

10) smalam anak wan slamat lahir. hebat! nik punye teruja sampai cakap "weh wan dah lahirkan anak Farid" hahahahaha..bile la mase aku dapat anak.hehehehe(gatal)

itulah countdown untuk minggu lepas. rase banyak lagi nak tulis tapi simpan untuk esok2lah.

owhh yes...aku tersenyum:)

we are all yours

Kita hidup, jumpa, pergi dan kembali lalu mati seketika sebelum Tuhan panggil semula berkumpul di padang masyar...

mati itu pasti.

Aku tak pernah takut mati. Aku takut dengan persediaan. Macam bagi kita yang sangat menggelabah untuk keluar date kali pertama dengan manusia yang kita paling jatuh cinta.

Ini mungkin tidak terkira comparison nya. Jadi persediaan itu lebih menakutkan.

minggu lepas dan kelmarin aku terkejut dan berhenti pandangan terhadap dunia apabila mengetahui ayah kepada syima dan ibu kepada rakan baik aku, Firah telah pergi berjumpa Penciptanya yang maha cinta. sedih aku yang hanya terlibat secara persahabatan.

Bagi Firah dan Shima kesabaran yang mereka ada mungkin tak terkira.

Aku cuma nak beritahu yang kau berdua shima dan Firah, walau kami tak berada di samping kamu saat itu, aku mahu kamu berdua tahu, yang setiap nyawa kawan-kawan kamu ada bersama kamua. toleh saja di kiri dan kanan kamu, adalah kami di situ.

bagi menghormati kehilangan mereka, blog ini tidak akan punya sebarang post untuk seminggu yang akan datang.

aku berkabung

kerana giliran aku belum tentu aku tahu lagi bila sampainya.

Attention to all

Attention...

Attention all...

hear Ye...Hear Ye!

Nik sedang hangat bercinta.

di ulangi

Nik Khairul Adli sedang hangat bercinta.

untuk keterangan lanjut, please bombard Nik personally.

this message is purely to ruin his life.

thank you!

the thought of life..a small conversation

It was last week when emi, joe and I decided to go to Central market to buy our painting stuffs. we bumped into KAMI the Gig, listened to some of the bands and decided to eat at mamaks infront of the CM. during the eating session Ahmad Helmi asked me and joe a question...a nice one, indeed. he said, and I quote " kau rasa hidup kau complete tak?"

I answered "takkanlah. dah kahwin and bila dapat anak, baru lah complete".

he said " memanglah"

In my mind I couldn't help thinking that what I have now is comfortable. I like my life now and eventhough it is not complete I do think that it still looks pretty.

it just that I understand that I am now learning continously about life and perfect is not something I think I can earn just yet but maybe someday I'll get a grab of it and live my life with a smile. maybe:) but then again who says that life is perfect after all of those things?

my head was in confusion at that point. silent stood still in a couple of minutes.

we then turned our attention to joe. "kau joe?"

joe simpy replied " tak complete"

silent.nodded.

we all understood his words.

hujan hari hujan

hari sedang hujan lebat di luar tingkap. aku bosan di dalam bilik ruang tempat kerja aku. ada beberapa teman sekerja yang senasib. selamat jugak diaorang kepala lucu. sambil-sambil bosan terhibur jugak nyawa aku. Tadi masuk gym layan jugak masa dalam sejam lepas tu ingatkan dah boleh balik tapi hujan degil jugak.masih mahu beriang ria. suka kau lah hujan....sekarang musim hujan melampau di kala petang menyinsing. pukul 5 ke atas mula la hujan berdamping selebat-lebatnya. sebab aku tiap-tiap hari habis kelas pukul 6 jadi memang selalulah aku menyorot mata keluar dengan perasaan gusar dan kadang-kadang sayu sebab dah yakinlah aku balik lambat.

tapi kadang-kadang suka jugak sebab bila hujan. hujan kan rezeki Allah dan kalau tengok hujan lebat turun kadang-kadang terasa plak macam satu hari nanti macam tu lah lebatnya rezeki yang aku dapat. Insyaallah! yakin.hohohoho.

speaking of hujan (no, not the band) kadang-kadang terasa gatal jugak nak beli kereta. yealah..nak kumpul harta kan.lagipun itulah objektif utama bila dah kerja. ikut objektif asal plan aku jangka nak pakai kereta lagi dua tahun lepas habis bayar duit motor. at least adela harta terkumpul berbentuk motor. hebatkan plan aku??sangat committed.hahahaha.

hati sekarang sangat berbisik kuat menyuruh sambung pelajaran. fizikal pulak membantu dengan berusaha talifon IPTA tertentu. semangat condong nak buat secara separuh masa kat UM. aku tak nak UIA bukan sebab menyampah. sebenarnya UIA terlalu lah aku nak tapi rasa elok jugak beralih angin sementara boleh.kalau kat Uia teruk jugak sebab dulu kat Gombak sekarang keje kat gombak pastu rumah kat gombak. macam beruk bawah reban jek.

Insyaallah kalau hati kukuh dan Allah itu membenarkan, ambil lah aku masters. alang-alang aku jatuh cinta dengan bidan pendidikan, lagi baik aku sambung belajar. sekurang-kurangnya berwawasanlah sikit. cerah masa depan. investment is the future sebut kata-kata akulah.

bercinta dengan sunset

sunset... satu siptaan Allah maha kaya untuk manusia seperti aku.

everyday in between the seconds that people tend not to bother, I put myself in a place I cherish the most. the place where time stops and all that exist in this beautiful world is me and worthy of all that I ever believe in.

the place where nobody can take the only entity that I love the most away eventhough it is only a mere fantasy. where a second of it feels like infinity and I swear to God that peace and love are forever linger in me. Everytime you visited me.

the most beautiful and special godforsaken creation.

SUNSET...if you can hear this. let it be known that

I'll wait for you everyday.

to continue the epic of love between me and you.

Selamat Hari Raya

To all my friends...

Selamat menyambut kedatangan syawal pada kali ini.


raya tahun ni maybe agak bercampur baur perasaan dia. this will be the first raya for me as somebody yang dah bekerja and live in perantauan. so, I guess the spirit of balik kampung should be a little bit different than during the days i spent as student of IIUM dulu. I can't wait to pay my own first zakat fitrah (yeaa saya tak bayar lagi ketika post ini di tulis), my first time giving duit raya to my little sister and my 4 lovely nieces and nephew and probably will be my first time buy kuih raya for family.yeppp, it is true that previously my role was only to eat and to finish the simpanan kuih raya rumah but now I guess I am not the king anymore and thus have to give the share of those kuih raya to maybe my sister pulak.demm.

Now that we all have graduated and everyone seems to have their own route to follow, I guess I do missed my ol friends from IIUM. friends....selamat hari raya.maaf zahir dan batin yeaaaa.

seingat aku dulu time raya jarang jugak kiteorg melawat rumah masing-masing eventhough adela beberapa orang yang duduk kat kl and selangor macam emi,key,liana etc tapi maybe sebab duduk dekat dalam lagi best kiteorang lupe nak keluar kot.

aku rindu masa main mercun and bunga api time malam-malam kat riverside. masa tu terase betul suasana hari raya eventhough kadang-kadang tak ramai yang menonjolkan diri tapi at least ader jugakla sumer tu and janji bergembira.

masa kat matric aku ingat ade skali kami ramai2 pergi rumah key beraya. I think that is the first and the last one kiteorang pergi sane beraya. me and a couple of guys pergi sana balik two years ago sebab akak key kawen. lepas beraya aku ingat kiteorang spend time main2 kat taman mainan and now everytime lalu kat situ mesti senyum.

masa puasa sangat best jugak sebab selalunya buka kat hs cafe ramai-ramai and bile dah ramai-ramai maka makanan pun ramai. aku, singkong, sarip selalu amek kat masjid and bawak ke hs so eventhough save duit and kadang2 amek lebih dari yang patutu(3 bungkus at one go) bila pikir balik sekarang seronok betul time tu.

during my days in IIUM, selalunya aku tak sabar2 nak balik semule ke uia lepas raya sebab nak sambung bergembira balik denga member2. rindu betul....haiihhh.

I know this might sound cliche but I really,really hope that i can experience those things again. nak sangat spend time ngan sume bebudak again.

to my ever loving friends back in JB,Masqueradians, Benians, Liburs, IIuM theatre enthusiasts, seniors,juniors, my IIC students, my friends at Restu Foundations,bloggers..I wish you selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri.

maaf zahir dan batin....especially batin!!!!!!

minggu lepas saya demam....teruk

last weekend was pretty awful to me. malam khamis bila ramai umat Islam bergombol-gombol pergi masjid buat terawih mengejar lailatul qadar, aku terbaring kat atas sofa living room dengan kepala yang rasa macam tak berapa sihat. dalam hati terdetik jugak perasaan nak demam sebab bukan jek kepala tapi seluruh badan dah mula meragam...dan sejam dua lepas tu memang betul aku demam...demam panas pulak tu...haihhh.

jadi esok hari jumaat aku mintak excuse tak mengajar dan lepak rumah jugak sebab demam makin teruk.menggigil badan pastu urat dalam jasad rasa macam menari-nari sekejap tegang sekejap kendur. satu hari jumaat tu aku tak bangun dari katil sebab tak larat termasuklah missed semayang jumaat. tapi aku agak kentalla..or mungkin bodo sebab tamau pergi klinik. aku memang tak suka pergi klinik sebab kononnya takmau reliable sangat dengan ubat. aku bukan benci makan ubat tapi agak tak berkenan dengan ubat. dalam pengalaman aku dah jumpa ramai orang salah guna ubat ataupun tertalu dependable kat ubat tu.stress sket amek anti depressan pills, etc. tak sukala.

pastu hari sabtu pun demam jugak.sama jek. terbaring atas katil. hari jumaat tu aku pose tapi tak bebuka sangat.bebuka dengan makan jambu jek. hari sabtu pose and joe belikan aku bubur ayam mcd. bolehla. hari ahad kurang sket tapi still terase sakit dia. tabahkan hati gak pose dan bebuka dekat OM. lama tak makan situ.seronokla jugak walaupun badan meragam terus.

aku ni mmg susah sangat nak demam or sakit tapi bila dah kena memang teruk.dalam kes demam sampai meracau jugakla. dulu kalau dekat rumah tiap kali demam mama ngan abah yang jaga sebab dieorg tau aku demam mesti merepek punya tapi bila dah duduk bujang ni rasa sedeh sangat sampai nak menangis sebab takde orang nak jage. bebudak lain plak pegi kerja so sorang2la mengerang. menitis air mata aku.hehehe.

sebab family members tau aku ni kalo demam teruk, dieorang agaknya pakat2 tipon aku sejam sekali tanye kabar. terharu jugakla tapi tetap rase lain sebab kalau dulu ada mama letakkan kain basah kat kepala and lapkan badan. ada abah tolong minumkan aku.ada abang tolong belikan panadol etc tapi skarang dah takde.

bila aku kena macam ni sebenarnya bagus.sebab apa? dia jadi pengajaran aku tentang hidup. sakit tu hanya sekelumit dari rasa keseluruhan maut dan bila kita sakit kita mesti ingat maut. aku tak takut mati tapi aku nak hidup sebab aku tau dengan apa yang aku ada memang aku tak layak masuk syurga. sakit kan ajar kita jadi insaf tapi insaf tu susah kan?

bila sakit, aku memang terbayang maut.sebab apa?sebab sangat-sangat sakit. dalam otak aku dah karang beberapa ucapan yang aku nak cakap kalau ajal tu datang lawat aku. macam wasiatla tapi sebab takde harta, aku bole bagi kata-kata je lah. ada untuk beberapa orag yang bermakna dalam hidup aku. dalam otak keluar sunset aku. bermakna betul.

batuk makin teruk. walau aku dah makan ubat batuk cap ibu dan anak tapi tetap makin teruk.mungkin kena jumpa doktor jugak di klinik.haihhh...

yaa rokok dah 2 minggu aku tak isap. mungkin sebab sakit demam dan batuk membantu jadi memang semua perkara yang jadi memang ada hikmah. hoyeaaah!!!!goood.

History

I'm doing a research on the history of China and the history of Islam in China now. I went to my uncle's house last night and we discussed about his passion/business of collecting old manuscripts and Islamic based artifacts. He told me he just bought this one old manuscript (probably around 700 years of age) that was written way back during the early period of the coming of Islam in China. the book was apperently written by someone who only want to be known as the 'slave of Allah' and the book comes with 2 volumes.

we, then talked about brief history of Islam in China and some of the reasons why he is so passionate about collecting artifacts and old manuscripts. well, of all the reasons he gave me I think the best reason that managed to capture my heart was that collecting those things can give you hell lots of money. artifact of probably 300-500 years of age can get you more than 50 million USd if it is being sold to another private collector or museum. phewwww. nonetheless, i think the main reason for that sort of passion is simply because the value that people can garnered from the sense of appreciation in them towards those things. went back home at about 1.30 am with all the thinking of that interesting topic (excluding duit berjuta tu lakan).

my passion is theatre and I love theatre to the core of my bones...that's what I think of my passion:)

on the other hand, batuk tak baik2la pulak. mama cakap bahaya bole bawak ke T.B. takut jugak. sangatla malas nak makan ubat batuk dan sememangnya aku tak suka makan ubat. tapi kalo bole bawak tb lagi takut. dah beli ubat batuk cap ibu dan anak 2 hari lepas tapi tak makan jugak.haiiiiihhhh...

rokok kurang jugakla. stabil pengambilannya. sekarang sehari isap 2 batang tapi kadang2 3 batang jugak. mostly 2 batangla. the real challenge is bila ramadhan dah tamat. bila aku dah bole isap rokok suke ati aku. tapi macam manapun aku agak optimistikla dengan journey aku nak kurang kan merokok and maybe terus quit.hehehedede. insyallah:)

A Bummer

well, that's a bummer.

Happy Malaysia's Day people of Malaysia.

unfortunately for me and maybe fortunate for some of us outside, we, after all the commotions, cannot witness the transition of government that Dato Sri Anwar had promised us before. personally, that's a darn bummer there. well, I don't blame him though simply because he, at least tried to do something to Malaysia. to bring the much awaited reforms of course and at least he banged our silly little Malaysian head that something big like that perhaps can occur if only we have the determination and spirit for it and it is noble of him to have a dream like that.

we, who are about to die...salute You.

now that we all know the end of that chapter, perhaps we can now start with lessening the gap between races or perhaps, at least, talk less of politics. I think it is about time for us. Malaysians to embrace the new dawn of the new Malaysia.

No superiority of a particular race
No more race based political organization
No more bickering among the rights of a particular race
No more any act of disrespect towards religion (and this include those who think freedom of voice is unlimited)
No more antics to grab the attention or support of any particular race for the sake of their political survival
no more racist chanting

I am a Malay and proud of it but that doesn't mean I am better than my chinese,indians,iban's friends. my blood is as red as them and for that, we are brothers.

maybe now is the right time to smile and finally say we are truly Malaysians.

as what Diana had said before, we all go to Giants together, share the same food, the same road and the same sun and moon aite??? there's no reason for us to hate each other. it is time to give back to our beloved mother nation and stroll towards the future in style.....I think this is exactly what all malaysians want. it is now about whether Anwar should become The prime minister, not about whether Barisan Nasional should go to hell or not...I think the truth is we all want our Malaysia back and we want it now so dear leaders, can you guys give Malaysia back to us now????

little incident.

a mother of one of my students came and see me today...hehehe. I thought I had done something wrong to her daughter (physically or mentally) and thought that she wanted to slap me or something but none happen except that she's asking me to look for her daughter who apparently went AWOL on the eve of her grandfather's death. to put the icing on the cake, she also failed to answer her calls (from her family), not in her rent house and also failed to show up in my class....well for not attending my class is actually not that bad though...biasalah kan jadi student( i'm trying to understand the life of students...blehehhe) nonetheless, I promise the mom wholeheartedly that I will help her and try to talk sense into this student's brain so maybe she can stop doing the thing that she's doing currently and get straight back.

don't really know whether it can happen or not but a promise is a promise right and though I consider myself as someone yang tak senonoh jugak, I will, however try my luck and stretch it to limit.

so this little incident is I guess just a chapter of my life as a lecturer. the truth is i kind of feel lucky because the mom picked me to talk to her daughter instead of the rest of her lecturers. somehow, by using her intricate sense or aura of a mother, she picked me...and that shows that...huhuhuhuhaaaaahhhahaa.


on the other hands, pernah tak korang terjatuh cinta dengan kawan merangkap kawan baik merangkap kawan lama merangkap tunang orang...hahahahaha????weird right. we'll talk about it next time.

report

Quick report on my journey to quit smoking....

I think the journey is moving smoothly. my behavior is still the same without any symptoms of becoming into a mad man (tak panas baran, tak bermuram durja, tak menggigil dan tak berhalusinasi).

I only took my emergency cigarette occasionally and even if I did take one, I only sip it half like 4 to 5 sipping then I threw it away. I missed my monthol....

Ramadhan is truly a blessing to me since I can double my effort but on the other hand my concern is after Ramadhan where I will find out that I can smoke whenever I want.

I really think I can do it though. not to entirely stop but at least I can take less cigarettes than my usual dose. I'm positive. mind over body...that's it:)

Malaysia Darul Rasis

sekarang rasa menyampah bila tiap kali membelek surat khabar mahupun menonton siaran berita pukul lapan di tv3. pertama-tamanya kerana hati yang sudah amat maklum tentang ketidak adilan didalam laporan berita itu sendiri sekiranya aku mengambil berat mengenai isu politik yang menerjah tanah air sekarang. pendapat aku terhadap lapangan kewartawanan di Malaysia ini hanyalah sampah sahaja. walaupun mungkin ada terlalu ramai insan bergelar wartawan yang berwibawa di malaysia ini tapi aku tetap rasa terlalu picisan. semua laporan tidak mencapai tahap yang boleh membentuk masyarakat madani yang glokal.

kepada wartawan atau sesiapa yang bersimpati dengan wartawan, aku mintak maaf sebab mengungkapkan bahasa biadap ini tetapi sebagai pembaca itu hak aku yang hakiki dan pendapat aku adalah refleksi kepada minda terbuka era ini. pendapat itu sememangnya ikhlas tanpa berlandaskan unsur-unsur luar.

keduanya, aku terasa menyampah di perut dan hati bila sekarang isu-isu yang sangat bahaya di perdendangkan dengan amat rancak sekali seperti isu Ahmad Said dan kenyataannya, isu Anwar dan 16 Septembernya, isu jenayah yang semakin memukau dan isu-isu lain yang menjengkelkan. secara ikhlasnya, aku sudah cukup muak dengan itu semua.

dalam isu Ahmad Said aku agak menyalahkannya tetapi tidak secara keseluruhan.sememangnya dia harus bertanggungjawab dengan kenyataan rasis nya tetapi adalah haknya untuk tidak memohon maaf. dia orang UMNO dan UMNO itu sememangnya Rasist. jadi seorang yang rasist sememangnya akan bertindak sedemikian. bila dia bertindak demikian adalah bodoh untuk kita menyalak menyuruhnya mengubah kenyataan sedemikian kerana ianya seperti menyalak kepada bukit saja. lagipun, jikalau mengeikut dari sudut sejarah sememangnya kenyataannya benar. cuma ada yang terlalu sensitif sehingga terlebih memberi reaksi.

dalam isu seterunya iaitu koh tsu koon, asasnya bukanlah kerana hendak mempertahankan kaum cina sangat. bagi aku dia hanya bermain api dengan isu itu untuk mengaut simpati sisa-sisa sokongan rakyat Malaysia berbangsa cina terutamanya yang menjadi rakyat Pulau Pinang terhadap parti kelolaannya Gerakan itu. Gerakan sebenarnya hampir terkubur(atau mungkin sudah???) dan bagi dia untuk keluar BN merupakan satu polemik bodoh saja. cuma menyalak bagi memberitahu Gerakan masih relevan. dan paling aku benci sekali ialah setelah bertahun-tahun bergerak persisi parti rasist untuk orang cina, tetiba Gerakan mahu keluar dari kepompong itu dan mengiystiharkan dirinya parti untuk seluruh kaum. aku tahu asalnya memang untuk seluruh kaum tetapi itu sejartah sahaja. kenyataannya Gerakan sama saja seperti UMNO,MCA,MIC, DAP yang rasis. kes Gerakan sama saja seperti DAP. kononnya untuk seluruh kaum tetapi rasis sahaja.cuma aku meletakkan kepercayaan aku pada Lee Guan Eng saja kerana Guan Eng lebih memahami konsep bangsa Malaysia berbanding ayahnya sendiri yang labih rasis sama saja seperti Ahmad Said itu snediri.

Aku benci sekarang kerana isu-isu seperti ini dipermainkan seolah-olah ia tidak akan melibatkan seluruh rakyat. aku yakin bila sesuatu yang buruk terjadi, tiada satupun ketua diatas itu akan bertanggungjawab. yang teruk rakyat berbilang kaumlah. aku faham perkara ini terjadi kerana ianya harus terjadi. Malaysia sebuah negara yang masih muda dan baginya untuk matang isu-isu seperti ini sememangnya harus kita tempuhi. tapi tolonglah jangan melihat sesuatu perkara itu dari mata bangsa sendiri saja.

tiada apa yang orang Melayu harus takut sekiranya orang Melayu tetap dengan pendirian dan terus berjuang memartabatkan bangsa.maksudnya memajukan diri dari segala segi bukan menghalau jiran2 berbangasa lain keluar dari tanah bangsa. kalau kita berjuang, biarpun lambat tapi lambat launkan tetap akan berjaya? daripada bermusuh lebih baik kita bekerjasama macam kaum Islam mekah bekerjasama dengan kaum Islam Madinah dan kaum yahudi dan kristian madinah bila negar islam madinah dibangunkan Nabi S.A.W. tanah ini tetap tanah orang Melayu tetapi sedarlah jiran kita yang berbangsa cina dan india itu semua telah menjadi rakan,jiran dan sebahagian dari kita juga. jadi dakaplah mereka seperti saudara saja.

bagi yang berbangsa cina india ataupun bukan bumiputera, janganlah terlalu gelojoh memperjuangkan hak asasi mereka. kadang-kadang sifat gelojoh itu nampak seperti berniat jahat dan menakutkan orang melayu. itu yang meremehkan proses menjadikan kita bangsa Malaysia. kadang-kadang bila kita terlalu menekan orang akan jemu dan tuduhan seseorang itu rasis (ahmad said) bila ditekan dengan terlalu gelojoh nampak seperti anda menuduh semua orang melayu rasis. berlembutlah kerana orang melayu sukakan approach yang lemah lembut dan berbudi bahasa. bak kata orang tua-tua tak kira bangsa; kan lebih baik kalau mulakan dengan rasa hormat setiap terhadap sesama insan.

apa yang aku harap cuma satu.semoga isu ini tidak terbawa-bawa dan emosi mempengaruhi akal. aku memang tak mengharapkan pemimpin atasan kita mampu mengubah hala tuju kes ini selain disenyapkan saja. kenapa?mudah.kerana mereka semua datang dari orang2 rasis(UMNO,MIC,Mca, Gerakan) dan mereka takkan berubah. aku senang saja, selagi mereka ada, selagi tiulah rakyat Malaysia tak mampu keluar dari lubuk perkauman. dan mungkin selagi Dap tidak sedar yang dasar mereka juga agak rasis selagi tiulah kita tidak kemana. jadi pada Dap, Guan Eng mungkin boleh tolong.

Ingatlah Malaysia bukan ber darulkan rasis.

I would like to stop smoking.

dear self and friends...

as per now I am embarking on a journey to quit smoking.

the objective is to quit smoking or to stop myself from behaving like a jerk when I am facing with the tendency to smoke.

the reason behind this journey is because I had once promise to myself that when the time is right I would definitely stop taking cigarettes. I don't know whether this is the right time or not but I guess I have the urge to do so, and for that I would like to try.

and plus, in this life we often heard the case of a smoker quitting the cigarette because his girlfriend or boyfriend asked them to quit aite?? I think those who do so are yanks or fluffing dick! I think we should do so because we like to do so.it should come straight from our heart. nonetheless I still think their act of quitting is such a noble act and should at the least be applaud of. to quit is not an easy thing to do okay people.

I am thus not promising anything in term of the outcome of this journey. I try my best to quit and I will do anything to manhandling myself from puffing that thing. however to be fair to my self and be realistic to the nature, I will smoke occasionally just to keep myself sane and sound. therefore if you see me smoking, I beg for your apology and please understand my part.

I pray that this journey be a successful one and insyaallah I can quit smoking at the of it. please pray for my journey.

24 years of awesomeness

welcome back September 6th!!!Yeaaaayyyyy.........haiiiihhhh.

I'm officially 24 as per today and though I still feel the same like yesterday(awesome) I do feel the urge of wanting to celebrate it to the maximum.

hehehe...craps! sepanjang 24 tahun aku idup kat dunia ni mane pernahnye aku celebrate hari jadi.

I think it all comes back to the fact of my life..hmmm i think fact number 204 kot which is I don't celebrate birthdays. aku datang dari keluarga yang rapat tapi tak berapa biase celebrate birthday. kiteorang tak ingat birthday masing2 and tak wish birthday masing2..macho sangat kot???tapi kiteorg still rapatla. I guess we like to do stuffs yang tak perlu set kan each year kot because occasionally we love to buat makan besar satu family so rasenyer tu lagi best.

well, I thank god because I got to be at the place I wanted to be which is my home(pasir Gudang) on the eve of my birthday with my family. and then because He gave me 24 years of wonderfulness fo me to appreciate and live it to the fullest and for giving me all the wonderful people(friends,family etc) yang aku kenal dari mula2 aku kenal manusia sampai sekarang.and of course for giving me the brain and the heart I cherished most....and paling penting for giving me the light of Islam mase aku lahir dulu. I guess that was the most cherishing birhtday present I could ask for from Him.

I say a gazillion thanks to all yang wish me a very good birthday wish and truly I love you lots. pemenang utk tahun ni is Lizzie for being the first caller..congrats!!!!

my wish for this year is to work hard for my future, to quit smoking, to be a good son and most important wish for this year is to pray more and to be a good slave to HIM. AMin.

Rumah

rumah dah jadi hebat!!!

dah masuk astro.

peti ais dah penuh macam rumah orang dah kawin dengan 5 anak
ade microwave
ade peti ais
ade waffle and toaster machine
ade blender
ade tempat masak nasi
ade dapur
ade oven

tadi astro dah masuk.
bilik dah kemas

lepas ni nak cat.
untuk persediaan nak raya.
joe nak buat kuih raya.

hahahaha..jakunnye!!!

Ramadhan

Ramadhan datang lagi....

tahun ni merupakan tahun perrtama aku sambut ramadhan sebagai seorang bujang yang duduk di perantauan. yeaaaa....sebelum ni hidup sebagai student lainlah sebab secara dasarnya aku masih terletak dibawah tanggungjawab mak bapak. tapi ni dah bekerja baru la aku dapat tahu macam mana plak rasanya hidup berpuasa kat perantauan.

berita baik ialah aku dah biasa sebab dah 5 tahun lebih duduk jauh dari keluarga.so, takla terasa sangat. berita buruk ialah walaupun ada cuti tapi still tak dapat bali rumah sambut puasa pertama dengan keluarga. pheeeewwwwwwwwww...

lagi 28 hari nak raya..yeyeeeyyy!!!!

kepada semua kawan-kawan, orang-orang Islam dan bukan Islam...selamat menyambut Bulan Ramadhan al-Mubarak.

taken from joe's blog

Class of 2008


The "golden" generation.....



-THE END-

the beginning of a saga

It's been a while since I have time to write something on my blog. I, sometimes find it hard to compensate everything that I have left before and the thought of reschedule everything seems pretty bizarre right now. ironically, time is not my nemesis now and all I can say is that time, indeed a thing that I have the most. perhaps..it just me:)

where should I begin....

I finally have the time to write something about my much awaited convocation last 25th August 2008. the schedule was hectic and I remember everyone was flat to dead after it was gladly and officially ended.

I got the suit and my appearence was exactly the way I had imagined before...black suit,black shirt,black mafioso leather shoes and thick blue neck tie..damn I looked great.hohohoho!!!

I went to IIU with my parents and my big bro from Putrajaya. Arrived somewhere at around 7.45am. take a few pictures with mama and abah and went straight to CaC. met all the dorks and jerks of BEnl like emi,nik,joe,chief,key,bob and the rest. had a great time making fun out of everyone and basically bergembira and then we were oredered to get into the hall.

I think we were the loudest, noisiest, no-disciplined attitute bunch of people in the hall since we kept on blabbering and all for most of the time. each time a person we know got on stage we cheered them and yes...I got mine, myself when I stepped up and received my scroll.

the feeling was royally overwhelmed for I have been waiting for that day since the first day I went to school nearly 14 years ago.

after the ceremony I went straight to HS cafe to meet some of the BEnl friends and say hi.took pictures with kak Mei.everyone was so damn busy we hadn't had a chance to share and snap some pictures together.

met Cik Rahim and Makcik BB there and they all looked gladly fine. haven't seen them for such a long time. spent some time chatting with cik Rahim and then ran off to my family.

we went to Bangsar to buy some of literature books for Nana at Silver Fish Books. Had lunch at Sri Gombak before mama abah sent me back to my casa la royale.

then pengsan sebab penat sangat.

nothing out of the ordinary

"It will work if you try. Will you wait for me?"

found this quote in postsecret.com

sweet.

the robe, the convo and the ugly

now why don't we all go to joe's blog and see the new IIUM's robe and its mortar hat.

I was so dissapointed with this new dress code thingy when I were first told that we are going to get a new design of robe last month. the colour now is not green anymore, we will not wear the songkok and the rehearsal is off. BOOOOO!!!!!

the best thing about IIUM convo is that it is different from other universities or colleges convo. the culture is different and so its line of programmes. before this the wearing of songkok is considered as the most distinguish feature of IIUM's convocation and its graduates. we all were really proud of it and can't wait to wear one. I even ordered and tailored made my suit for the convocation. and suddenly everything changed. from the green robe to blue which I think a dissapointment to everyone to the femoval of songkok!!!Songkok!!!why the hell did yo remove the songkok for and change it to that ugly looking mortar hat? dahla name mortar?????

now we all will look like other graduates from other universities... and probably look uglier and less glamorous than them. cewhh..I dispise you..

since i am still feel kindda down now i decided not to write about all the beautiful things about my feeling about the up coming convo just yet. I want to treasure this moment of dissapointment and hatred still before I move on to that.

revelation

A lot of things happen in the past few weeks. among others I just received this one shocking news about my past which I think so hard for me to believe but nonetheless happened to me..it sucks i tell you.

you see, it was during this night when emi and I were discussing about the life we went through and all the scandals and all the shitty things that had happen to us during university's time and he after all these years finally able to pour off all this one particular thing that has been really bothered him since our days of matriculation...well, i certainly not going to tell about it simply because it involves people.I mean everybody!

the feeling that i feel right now can be simplified like this...

pernah tak tengok drama melayu pasal this one boy yang hidup die seronok sangat. i mean he got everything in his life and though many shitty things jadik kat die tapi die tetap seronok sebab atleast die happy. and suddenly bile die dah umur 24 tahun tetibe his best friend bagitau yang almost everything pasal mase lepas die sebernya tipu.you know macam tetibe tahu yang sebenarnya die anak angkat ke.macam tu la.

what i learned from emi is actually something like that tapi bukan family la.mane ader aku anak angkat.

sakit ngan dissapointed gak sebenarnye sb semua yg cantik melibatkan mase lepas aku sebenarnye ade rahsia yang sangat la besar tapi kawan takleh bagitau sebab takut melibatkan friendship tu sendiri. I mean they knew by telling me I will definitely choose the other side so dieorgpun senyap and taknak jeopardize the relationship. kire sangat mulia la bende tu and I believe sume member2 yang decide to keep their mouth shut memang mulia.bak kate emi 'tengok betape baiknye kawan2 kau'. hahaha..thanx guys...(gounggzzzs)

tapi atleast aku still susah nak percaya la mende tu jadik sebab of all the things yang jadik aku rase that was the last thing yang aku bole pikir terjadi kat aku. I mean it started from matric tuhh!!! shit. aku rase bile dah tau ni macam sume puzzle dah melekat and dari sudut cerite tu aku finally dapat faham kenape certain things jadik kat sekeliling aku. macam cerita the da vinci code.huuuuu....

eventhough cerite tu bukan pasal aku tapi atleast aku bolela kate aku terlibat secara langsung and sebab tu aku rase sangat aku sangat2 bertanggungjawab dalam sume tu.

aku sumpah aku tak pernah tau sume tu tapi aku mintak maaf2 sangatla kat sume org yang terlibat.halalkan sume yek and kalo tak halalkan please bgtau aku so aku bole atleast gantikan balik.

aku harap sume mende yang lepas tu atleast tak fake sb aku betul2 treasure all those things. aku tak kan ubahla pandangan aku tapi macamane pon die mencacatkan gakla ape aku percaya sebelumni.pheww..

azam yang pasti

teaching has been a revelation for me:)

I guess if we do something with good or noble intention, the rewards are priceless. though teaching is not my first option when it comes to career building, I took this job because somehow i believe it is my destiny to do so. I guess I am now fulfilling the dream of Abah too and for that I am so freaking proud of it.

as I write this piece, I am starting to fall in love with teaching and my students. though I think I am too egoistic a person to admit such a thing, tp what the heck kan??? Btw I never had the chance to thank those people yang bagi support kat aku mase sbelom mengajar dulu...so thank you all..you know who you are:)

I am not quite sure about this but somehow I feel that I am beginning to make peace with my inner self. everything is starting to form into one big giant of puzzle and I am actually smiling now...rase aman jugakla. nonetheless, I am still trying to perform my duty as a Muslim better. that includes all the semayang lima waktu, puasa,perangai,fikiran and all.haaaaiiiihhh..

I missed my family, friends back in Johor, UIA,my seniors, juniors, zaman2 Libur and most of all I........

laporan minggu

life is fun now that I, finally manage to move in into my own condo at Sri Gombak. The Gardenia Court of Sri Gombak is situated on top of the hill of...emmm...gombak?facing the whole view of Gombak and selayang. if you ask me, i would definately tell you that Gardenia is one heck of a cool place to live at.

Now the 'housies' according to singkong are me, nik, syed and mar'iee but since said is abroad that means three of us jek la. joe is still considering to move in and had told us hinself that meybe next month pindah here. menarikla sbb the more the merrier kan??? i'm still waiting for Sarip to come so if the plan goes well we will have 6 great people lah in the house.satu bilik 2 orang. satu bilik satu couple..ewwww..couple paling hot is nik and mar'iee.

YEay!!! bwekkkk.

me, nik, singkong and joe kuar last sunday night to watch our movie marathon.plan asal nak tengok Dark knight tapi since DK start pukul 2.30 and we arrived at about 11 so we decided to watch other movie first. I ended up watching hell boy ALONE for the first time of my freaking life since those three jerks nak tengok Red cliffs together. all in all one great new experience lah. really??? saper nak jadik gf saye and tengok movie samer2????haiiihhhh.

DK was awesome. Joker was sangat hebat! way better than Jack Nicholson punye version and the late Heath leadger, i must say letak bar yang sangat tinggi nak mampos(irony) to the future Jokers. he has truly put himself to a great route of legendary actors of hollywood dengan mematikan diri die di kemuncak lakonan. memang hebat!!!

lecturing is fun! still learning but with fun.

Awkward but I had a hell lot of fun!!

I started my dawn with a very strange feeling up my stomach. For a second I thought that life was such a comedy it plays such a wondrous sweet nightmare again and again that day...yeppp..it was monday morning when I woke up from my deep sleepless night and was about to face my day with a fact that I am now a lecturer and my utmost priority is to educate young minds.

the first week was a very hectic period of time since out of the sudden blue I was blown away with so many new things that I have to deal with as a lecturer. honestly, I never thought being a lecturer can be so tunggang langgang...or maybe that just me.kottt?

I got 12 teaching hours per week and I must say I was a little bit dissapointed since I was so much anticipated to at least earn like 16 to 20 hours a week. nonetheless I guess I am pretty much new with it, kire fairla kan???and plus mama pun cakap I should just cope with it and try to make use of my hours as a basic training ground for my future hours.

the kids were okay though some of them kadang2 agak annoying and irritating at times but what the heck right?I was just like them during my uia times aite.so I guess life's fair. plus I get to learn a thing or two about grammar and stuffs back:P

I just hope I can turn out to be as good as any other lecturers are and of course I just hope I can be as much good as my father is as a teacher.

Royal Malaysia Sarkas sudah kembali!!!

So here goes again. the great Malaysia Circus is Back!!!!


I try to stop myself from writing things on politics not because I'm ignorant nor because I don't give a crap about it. I refuse to write things on politics simply because I think there are hundreds of bloggers out there who are miles better than me in terms of writing or passing their judgement on politics. however, make no mistake about it because my perspective on it, is perhaps as critical as theirs and politics has always be the interest of my judgement. I just feel that now I don't have to blurt all things out yet for when I read other comments made by my fellow bloggers I feel that their judgement was as much as in the same brain hemisphere as I and thus make thing easier for me as to not weigh my own perspective. I guess no one wants to read the same thing twice aite??

therefore, when I started to write this, I realised that many people failed to see this whole incident the way I see it. though I am fully disagree with this latest disgrace act of allegation made to DSAI, I made a promise to myself that I will not be too emotional on this case and maybe, sometimes it makes no harm at all to pass a little judgment that not quite as 'sane' as other's. As a matter of fact, if only you see as I see, perhaps youl'll understand.

this whole sodomy what not incident has truly made Malaysia the biggest royal sarkas of all time. with DSAI, that 0.8 saifool guy, najib, pak lah and bla..bla..bla acting as the main royal clowns, it is hard for me not to view it as one great epic drama of all time (sequel to that 98 released). think about it.do you know that all of us now are atleast witnessing the making of one great twitch of film reel that will soon be the greatest history of Malaysia??this whole thing is like the making of the movie JAWS by spielberg or Star Wars by Lucas. isn't it Romantic???

in 10 to at least 900 years time, there will be millions of version of today's episode and we as the sons and daughters of today will have the first hand privilage to tell the future generation that we were here when it started..

I love watching hollywood political-thriller-drama movies such as enemy of the states, negotiator etc...because the excitement of waiting the conspiracy what not to unfold itself or often through it's hero. Usually in those hollywood movies, reality is not much obliged but rather the element of romanticism was positively hailed. therefore we see the element of heroism or machoism and that inspires us or at least make us feel the glow of our heart in wanting to give a thumb's up to the hero. if the same element of romanticism put in today's mediocrity of this great sarkas, don't you think that what we felt when watching those hollywood movies can be felt now?? can't you see how romantic this whole incident is???

Kita semua kan racist?

Manusia itu adalah satu makhluk yang racist bila ia meletakkan ketuanan bangsa melebihi ketuanan agama.

satu ayat yang agak ringkas maksudnya. memanglah racist bila letak bangsa melebihi segalanya kerana racist itukan terhasil dari ayat akarnya yang berbunyi "race" iaitu bangsa. adakah bole kita lari dari menjadi racist?aku agak pessimistic dalam hal ini. lebih 60 peratus dari pendirian aku kuat mengatakan kita takkan boleh lari dari menjadi seorang racist. kenapa? mungkin sifat favoritisme semula jadi yang ada atau mungkin senang kata sifat syak wasangka yang tak pernah padam.

tapi apapun kita sememangnya boleh bendung sifat itu jadi macam manapun ada masa kita boleh bersifat professional dengan membuat keputusan berdasarkan merit sesuatu perkara.

berhubung gerakan membangsakan rakyat Malaysia tanpa mengira latar belakang kelahiran ibu bapanya dari bangsa apa, pada pendirian aku ialah 100 peratus bersetuju. mudah sahaja kenapa. kerana telah lama Malaysia ini di tadbir mengikut olahan kerajaan kuno british yang berprinsipkan pecah dan perintah. kalau di kaji kerajaan british moden pun tidak menggunakan dasar itu lagi. jadi telah masanya dasar itu di buang. bila itu di buang mungkin satu hari nanti tidak timbul isu hunus keris dan isu Hindraf yang dengan bodohnya mengangkat potret Queen Elizebeth dan Mahatma Gandhi. atau juga takkan timbul isu mendesak kerajaan menambah bilangan sekolah rendah (J) yang ada bunyi 'hwa' atau 'qiu' di hujungnya.

aku agak pessimistic sikitlah. (senyum) bila majoriti inginkan terlahirnya bangsa Malaysia, adakah mereka maksudkan istilah ketuanan Melayu di hapuskan terus? adakah mereka maksudkan DEB di ceraikan?adakah mereka maksudkan sistem kuota di hancurkan?

perasan tak bila menyebut tentang dasar Bangsa Malaysia, selalu sangat beberapa perkara seperti di atas yang di sebutkan? bila di lihat dari satu sudut kita bertanya kenapa hanya perkara yang melibatkan kepentingan melayu yang harus di lucutkan?seperti apa yang hak bangsa melayu ini tak pernah adil. macam mana dengan kepentingan bangsa lain?

aku bersedia kalau semua kepentingan di atas di rungkaikan kerana aku yakin dengan diri aku untuk survive secara berdepan tanpa mengharap polisi bangsa. tapi bila aku tengok betapa bangsa lain yang cukup aggresif mempertahankan hak mereka aku jadi goyah dengan prinsip bangsa Malaysia itu sendiri. kalau mereka enggan melepaskan hak mereka kenapa perlu bangsa aku sukarela nak lepaskan hak bangsa aku.

sekejap...bila aku cakap mengenai ini, bukan bermaksud aku anti mereka. aku suka dengan semua bangsa yang ada dalam Malaysia as long as dieorang baik dan punya sikap terbuka. maksudnya mereka yang suka bergaul dan berbual mesra tanpa fikirkan warna kulit. kalau jahat tak kiralah kau melayu ke ape ke aku tetap benci.sebab apa?sebab kau merosakkan nama agama dan bangsa kau jugak dan buat orang lain suka buat stereotype kat bangsa kau.

mungkin ada orang kata sebab itulah semua kena berubah dan perubahan itu bermula dari aku. tapi itu tak cukup untuk menyakinkan hati nak berganjak dengan perubahan sebesar macam tu. perubahan itu seolah-olah macam satu dunia zion yang hanya fantasi. seperti satu kingdom of heaven yang terlalu subjektif.

sukarkan? aku yakin kita patut berubah. jangan terkongkong dengan isu bangsa. kita cinta bangsa kita, ya itu aku faham. tapi jangan sampai membuatkan bangsa lain merana. kita boleh jadi racist tapi jangan sampai boleh menutup kebahagiaan bangsa lain kerana seteruk mana pun bila kita perasan dalam situasi tertentu, bila kita duduk bersama dengan orang yang belainan bangsa dengan kita, kita masih boleh berbual mesra sesama sendiri. bukan ke perasaan masa berbual bersama itu indah?

Makkal Sakhti

saya jadi cikgu..haaa?aper?

I'm counting the days to begin the new chapter of my life as a lecturer...an English lecturer for International Islamic College:p

The future looks kind of vague right now simply because I don't know how and what to expect from lecturing. I used to think that teaching is something that I had in my blood since abah was a teacher for like 40 years and I used to do some small time teaching in his private institution back home but now as the days come close I found that I'm actually having a spiral chill down my belly... so many questions linger and the damnest part about it is that I can only acquire the answer on 7th of JUly 2008 which is also the day I will start teaching.

can I teach??? darn@%

It's kind of sad knowing that I will leave Restu Foundation and all the guys here soon. These guys are so cool and I'm having such a blast time working with these people now so to leave is like to earn myself a slap on the face or something. I'm trying to get Ikram's approval for me to work here as a part timer so I can continue giving all that I can for the centre. maybe this sound too silly but I think I had fall in love with Restu at hello..hohohoho..sounds familiar jek. hehehe..baru nak jadi seorang writer yang hebat dah kene tukar jadi lecturer. speaking about writing, looks like I will not be able to write my first two books at all..sedeyyyyynya.

I pray hard that the vagueness will only stay with me until 7th of July. somehow I can sense something from somewhere that's telling me, soon after, life will get better for me. I believe I made the right choice and that what I will do after this reflects the person I truly am. I am now fulfilling part of my destiny as an educator. no matter what happens in the future, I know I will do my best and give everything I have and dengan harapan bole jadi mcm abah..

I can do this:)